Dear Grace,
We were approaching our first major holiday of the season—Thanksgiving. We had hoped to spend the holidays in our new place, the home you and Luke loved so much. We remember how excited you both were about it. We talked about it quite a lot and looked forward to creating new memories there together.
After you passed in August, we went back and forth about whether we should even gather for Thanksgiving with the family. It was difficult to imagine gathering for a holiday when such a huge part of our family was missing. After many conversations, we decided that we should spend Thanksgiving together with the family. We felt that being together might help all of us through the first holiday without you.
Once we decided to gather, we had to figure out where we would have dinner. As we had talked about, Lara and Papik were no longer able to host Thanksgiving, so mom and I decided to host for the first time. Our new place was big enough for everyone, and although it was difficult to think about hosting a holiday without you, we wanted our home to be a place where everyone could come together.
As you can imagine, my love, it was incredibly difficult to plan a big holiday meal, in our new place, for the first time without you being here. So many of the things we were doing reminded us that you were missing. Still, we thought it would be good for the family to come together—to support one another, remember you, and simply be there for each other.
Actually, Thanksgiving dinner was not as grand as it had been in years past, and I’m sure you would have noticed. Everyone did their best to prepare something and put on their best faces. But honestly, it wasn’t really about the food. It was about being together.
Papik sat facing the area where your picture is hanging, so he could see you throughout the entire dinner. He said it felt like you were with us having Thanksgiving dinner. It was very touching.
Honestly, it felt that way to us, too.
We all felt your presence as we ate, talked, laughed, and shared stories. We remembered funny moments from past holidays and talked about the memories we had made together. For a little while, it almost felt like a normal Thanksgiving.
But it wasn’t easy.
There was a huge part of our family missing, and we felt it throughout the day—in the kitchen, around the dinner table, and in all the little moments in between. After dinner, your brother and Sasha went off to spend time together, just as you and Luke always did. Seeing them together brought back so many memories of the three of you hanging out.
You always seemed to find ways to give us little signs that you were still with us. Those moments have brought us comfort and joy when we needed them most.
Your absence can hit us suddenly, with an intensity that is difficult to describe. Sometimes we can be laughing about a memory and then, in an instant, the reality that you are gone comes rushing back.
It is difficult to imagine future holidays without you. We know you would never want Mom, Luke, or I to stop celebrating with the rest of our family. You would want us to be together, to laugh, to make memories, and to continue living our lives.
But, Grace, it is so hard to celebrate anything without you here.
This first Thanksgiving without you was painful, but having everyone together reminded us of something important: even though you are no longer physically here, you remain a part of every family gathering, every story, every laugh, and every memory.
You will always have a place at our table.
We love you, Grace, and we miss you more than words can ever express.